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Thursday, March 02, 2006

We all know that a very important and holy night is upon us all this Sunday. Its a time where we all go to praise one another, a place where half our nations' celebrities come to worship a little golden man named: Oscar.
Cue the fantasy music:
And now we enter into my dream: I'm usually on the red carpet all strung up and practically choking with jewlery and sporting a sleek gown for the ceremonies. "Please please I cannot sign anymoe autographs, devoted fans". "This 40 carat ring from my 3 time Oscar winner husband is weighing me all down".
Oh wait, and whos that I see coming toward me............why its George clooney.........what? you want to? what?! SERIOUSLY WHAT?! I can't hear you from everyone shouting my name.
As I make my way into the outragously decked out theater, and skip to the part where BEST ACTRESS is being announced. I hear...............my name. Yes, I win BEST ACTRESS!!! I guess that stirring performace about when I killed my husband over a dinner mint really was the icing on my cake. or ax......or whatever............
I sweep up onto the stage, displaying my best crying/surprised look and weep and end up telling my life story for the next half hour while America is captivated by it all.
After that, my life becomes a whirlwind of parties, mints, free goody bags, gossip and rumours, then I end up losing it all from inventing in too many cat-toy products and end up living in the slums of Beverly Hills as a half-crazed woman trying to melt my oscar down to pawn off as real gold for mints. I'll be the best half crazy lady with the freshest mouth in Hollywood.

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