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Saturday, September 30, 2006

I get verbally abused

Well my peeps the first post didn't turn out because my papa had to use to the phone so I got everything. Sheesh.
So your wondering what the heck happened to me today then hence the title; well basically I got a verbal attack from my old boss beki (Hofengarten gallery).
So its been a pretty crappy week for me anyway, the stress level working at the dental clinic has been HIGH+++++ so that didn't help much today. After coming back home from Costco me and mum decided to get some chinese eats then head over to my old workspot to pick up my kitten from Lynette (gracious lady by the way) who kept it for me until it got healthy.
So my mum and I go in, lynette runs home to pick up the kitten, I decide to be kind and say hello to my boss.
She didn't seem very happy in the first place.
So I got in and tell her that I was there to pick up my new kitten. Then begins the interrogation.
She starts to grill me about how I'm going to care for my kitten and where its going to stay etc.
(a little side note, my boss is majorly into saving animals, which is fine, but she would take it to the level of rescuing an animal over a human being)
So, okay she starts to interogate me on the well-being of how my care of this kitten will be.
I told her I had plans to keep it safely in our barn.
For some reason she thought that I would drop the kitten in the barn, no protection or heat etc.
That insulted me so much, how dare she tell me that I don't care for my animals or not know how to protect them. If I could keep my kitten or cats in the house I would but I can't because my dad dosen't allow it. I've lost kittens in some terrible ways (torn by pickup engines/kitty with broken legs mauled by a dog) that just broke my heart in bits.
Even then we tried to keep them in cages.
No doubt she would blame me for their death.
So anyway, she proceeds to tell me very firmly that if I put the kitten in the barn it will die, she says how "upset" she is over this and how I didn't consider this at all.
After all that, I mumbled some excises about putting the kitty in the basement, its true I didn't think about how small the little thing really is and the basement inside probably is the best option but even that didn't satisfy my boss.
She beings to state how it should be sleeping with me in my bed, with the kitty liter box in my room also.
I'm really not so keen on having my room smell like poo when I sleep. Again I AM NOT AGAINST THE CAT. ITS THE POO PEOPLE! BIG DIFFERENCE! PPPOOOOOPPPP.
So after being attack for awhile my mum saunters in, gets a little taste of what happened, didn't bother defending me, but she did have some shocked look on her face what my boss was ranting about at me.
After getting more lectured and insulted, lynette comes back with the kitten and beki continues to say that I have no right to just take the kitten and un-do all the work that lynette did in taking care of the kitten if I put it in the barn.
Un-do her work? I appreciated all of lynette's patience and kindness of the kitten.
For some stupid reason my boss thinks that I am INTENTIONALLY trying to hurt this kitten.
I kept telling her no, but she looked at me point blank and said "your going to do it anyway aren't you? I know you are".
Can you get anymore rude than that? What the hell?! How dare she say such things to me like I'm not a fit to take care of this animal.
I'm sorry that I wasn't raised to coddle my animals, I love animals but I just wasn' raised or allowed to have any animals. I always resented that. So don't tell me that I'm unfit or don't care about those things.
Biggest bunch of crap I had ever had said to me.
So there I was faced with a decsion. Take kitty have my boss call PETA on me? or leave the kitten to lynette.
I decided it best to leave it with lynette NOT JUST BECAUSE my boss acted like an ass, but because I truly did love that kitten and didn't want to risk it not suriving the winter.
After we left my heart was so full of anger, unforgivness, and sadness that I had to give up my kitten because of that whole situation.
I still struggle with it, I want to let go and forgive but it always creeps back up on me and I feel like I truly haven't nor want to frogive if that makes sense to anyone.
So at this point, I think I've officially severed all ties with ever working with beki at Hofengarten. I think she went home tonight and told her husband all about it and then had a bad day because of me.
Yes well, I don't give a crap.

Monday, September 25, 2006

My Life as a Dental Assistant: The Beginning

Well I just started my first full week of work. Like as in working full time.
I've never done this before.......I mean work full time.
This is good expierence for me........dispite the fact I have no idea what the heck I'm doing or why.
Anyway so to get everyone up to date, the office is hiring yet another dental assistant. Only this time this girl has actual expierence etc. I felt like such a dummy because although this chick was already working as a dental assistant, she came on her first day here and was already cleaning teeth etc.
Me; I just sit and watch.
So today was suppose to be Dr. Rodriguez day to work at the clinic. Remember he's the sorta rude doctor who walks like a fag.
Well anyway I was totally blessed by God this whole week and have Dr. Jim ( nice dr. ) instead. So that gives me some time to learn the whole charting thing.
So today was Monday which means: MEGGA BUSYNESS!
Its not so bad when you always have somthing to do or clean up. The hard part is when I get a child under the age of 5 and starts freaking out widly.
Like oh for example. I got one big little chunker today.
I should have seen it coming anyway, just looking at his mother whose boobe were practically falling out on her shirt and then I was able to get a clear view of her son's tattoo'd name on her boob.
So, as I tried to clean this kid's teeth, he didn't open, kept hitting me, and then decided to scream literally at the top of his lungs.
Seriously, I understand being scared at that age........but parents, you need to buck up and strap your kids down otherwise they will attack us humble workers.
Lemme tell you all, this little chunky chunker tried to swat me and the dr. I had never seen or heard such a display of just well......hostility. I think if the parents would sit the kids down and explain to them whats going to happen beforehand and reassure the kiddo that nothing bad is going to happen to them, then it should ease up at least a bit.
Anyway, so besides being majorly stressed out from work, at least I have my lunch breaks to look forward to. I'm starting to find such true appreciation of it now. For the past 2 years I've practically had an all-day lunch break. Ah those were the days........
Anyway I will continually up date you all on all my ramblings and happenings at the dental clinic.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Overwhelmed and Undereducated

I nearly backed out today.
I had second thoughts.
I made up many reasons to back out of this new job.
Its not like they didn't warn me that from time to time the job would get tough.
I just got intimidated today would be the best way to describe it.
We had a different doctor on the premise today and I actually had him work on my teeth before many many years ago.
Anyway if you all don't know by now I'm working as a dental assistant now. I'm still learning and am a idiot at charting.
Its tough to memorize all the teeth and then learn the surfaces and stuff OMG!
So I would clean somone's teeth and buzz the doctor to come in, and of course I already feel awful for not knowing right off the bat what he says or wants me to write down and I he just gave me this look of like.........OH GOD, Okay gimme the chart cause I know you can't do it.
I'm not paranoid, I just know how most doctors think. In my expierence the ones who usually take the time to tell you about somthing or help are usually the nicest.
The ones who become passive and kinda ignore you.......well you know what those are.
At least I can give good props to most of the girls that work there. Even when busy they are considerate with me and questions. So props to them.
Well back to today. The morning rush was hard. I'm not used to being at work by 8 am and going through a maddening rush. After the run-in with the doctor I was so ready for lunch.
I just wanted to go off and cry almost, I just wonder if this job is still really right for me. The answer so far is no. I don't see myself ever doing this again.
But I had to take deep breathes and pray and figured I can't back out now because they are depending on me. Even if I do suck.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I Am Freaking Out Badly!

Freaking out has easily become a second nature to me. Almost as naturally as breathing and eating large amounts of bread and fruit.
Its just not good.
I actually told my boss (beki) today while working at Hofengarten that I had to quit because of a new job offer. I can't tell you how badly I was shaking with fear all over that should woulld blow up on me. So I prayed and begged God to let me know if I should take the final step and make it offical and pursue this temp job as a dental assistant.
And even though I didn't quiet hear God's voice, I did feel that God would always take care and be there for me no matter the situation. Particularly this one. I also prayed that my boss wouldn't freak out on me. Least not too badly.

And so....dare I say it.....she took it very well. I was floored.

Truly I am sad to leave the store. Its been fun working there, meeting some interesting women, learning how to decorate, and my 30% discount. Sighs. I miss those days.

But with that, I get a whole new slug of responsibiltes. And I'm petriffied......terrified....and just all around overwhelmed with fear that I shall fail at this.
But..........but I will put my faith and trust and pray my little heart out to God on this. Its gonna be a long hard road, but I think if I truly make an effort at this I can do it.

But I'm still having some minor stress attacks on the side though.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Me so tired.....fat and lazy

Wow, I still have some readers. Some personally devoted people. Well it means lots to me because it dosen't make me feel like the most pathetic blogger on the net. Meh.
So uhhh today was good.
Its cause I got LOTS OF STUFF!!!! YyyyyyyEeeeeAAAHHHHHHHHH
First, I got my birthday package from my gal pal Sonila from Albania. Even though it took about 6 months to get to me.....I still took a few bites of the cherry&apple "cake"? It was dry, probably from all the shipping, but it was interesting reading the ingrediants list.
Then I got some mystery flowers, but I have a pretty good guess who they came from because the message written on the card had been misspelled and jumped all over the place. But I dunno know anyone with an initial of C.

OOOOhhhhh Ho Hum, I'm still freaking out about working at the dental clinic. I'm afraid I will fumble with somthing and they will just end up firing me. I'm worried I'll screw myself over again or wont be fast enough for them. They have these weekly staff meetings and those things make me so nervous. Its like being put on the spot 10xxxxx

I just pray that this is somthing that is God's will, but at the same time I don't want to just end up taking on this new job only to find myself unemployed again. Thats how it was with the first dental clinic, but dentist was just a weird, ego-tistical person. I had to memorize so much crap as well from drill bits to other minor things.

Anyway I plan to memorize all the charting terms this weekend and the restorative tools etc. Practice my little heart and brains out because I know if I don't push myself to beyond the limits then I will fail. So typical of Americans. I should soooooo reside in France. The lazy man's country. Actually Mexico would be the first rather.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Its Offical!!!

Yes, I'm married people!!!!

Well kinda,

Its more like I'm getting a divorce and a marriage at the same time. Yep, I'm divorcing, or ahem separating if you will from Hofengarten, and engaged to Community Dental as a Dental Assistant.
Its scary. I'm scared out of my life that I will suck like the worst person in the world there, but I somhow have some faith that I can do this as long as everyone is friendly and patient. Most of the time.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I Feel Like an Animal Being Teased With Food

Why on earth would I say such a thing like that you ask yourself?
Because I just finished my "working interview" over at the communnity dental clinic the past two days and I just wonder if this is somthing God has planned for me to do.
All I know is that, if it is somthing that is in God's will then I will succeed in it.
I know with practice and repetition then I could get the whole procedures and cleaning and charting etc.
It just takes practice.
I just question if this is somthing that is meant to be. So I somwhat feel like God is dangling this in my face and then will pull it back.
Its not like I've been so intent on working in the dental field anyway. So why would God put this in front of my face and then take it away. I'd feel like such a failure and just give up on it and move on.
I still am in the the crossroads of what choice to make on who to work for. If I do get this job.
I enjoy working at Hofengarten, the people, wrapping things, and the holiday season. The downside is when my boss gets a little paranoid somtimes. It comes and alzihemers!
Working at the dental clinic would provide me with great training for the future, though with that comes a high price of being professional and learning ALOT. Tools, cleaning, trays etc.
Do I really want to put forth the effort to learn all this? I could do it if I had a longer period of time and more practice. But this is somthing that will have to be crammed in about a week. HOLY CRAP!
So with that, I ask you all for your prayers once again.............cause I am so freakin lost.!!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

I'm back from Portland

Yes, I left as a demure 21 year old and came back a 22 year old woman.
Yeah well, given that my age changed my personality and virginity have remained the same. No biggie.
So we celebrated my birthday, my mum's (on the 9th), and then my dear grannie's next week.
In all it was a fun trip, dispite getting loaded up on food and when I mean loaded I mean like an endless buffet of health foods. All I can say is, thank God it was partly healthy.
But I'm back home now and loaded up with all sorts of good foodstuffs from trader Joes. My new favorite hangout. I love that store chain. Sighs! Why can't middle america get that we need diversity like that???
Anyway so now that I'm home I've been stressed out of my mind as what to do with a current job proposal and whether or not to stay with my comfy job I have now. Working at Hofengarten has provided me with lots of spare time, or I should really say leasure time. With that, I make about $110 a week. Not many hours at all. It would increase obviously during the holidays but of course it would go down by New Years and I'm back in rhe same hole.Though I enjoy working there and the customers and working with all those pretty has just gotten boring and did I forget to mention that my boss is half crazy somtimes. But the customers are awesome though!
So with that, I thought since I'd be there awhile I would just take some evening classes at the local college, that way I would get an easy $1,000 as well as get better credits.
Then when I recently got a call back from a local dental clinic I found that they wanted to hire me but only as a temp. I would be working until Feburary because of a woman going on maternity leave. Of course there is always the possibilty that she might take a little longer gettig back and they might keep me for awhile longer.
Of course if I take this job at the dental office I would not be able to take classes for maybe two quarters.
So you can see that I'm really in a doughnut hole here. Did I spell doughnut right? Dounut? Who doughnut??? lol.
Oksay but seriously, I cried this morning while praying about it, and have felt that God might have me stay at hofengarten. But, while praying this morning the most I felt was that God will always be there to take care of me. Which He has. I just worry about being stuck in another hole without a job and failing to project a sucessful image upon my family.
The truth comes down to that really. Projecting oneself as successful, when all I want is to be useful to God somhow and get fullfillment through that; God's will for my life.
How fickle we human can be.
All I know is that I must make this choice. I feel that although God is here to influence the decsion, I must make the final call. Why is that so hard????

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Sugar is the root of all Evil, and is oh so sweet!

I almost had a whole reavealing post written out for all to see on here, but I gave up and decided to bottle it up for another day. So normally I'd fantasize about the future, but I'm focusing on the present now.
Like take the feelings of this moement; bloated. Okay I totally brought it upon myself but man, fruit is soooo good! I had a bunch of pears and plums. I'm back on my no-sugar diet. This week has been tough because I've been chugging down stuff sweetened with Splenda.
So I figured why not clean out my system alittle, and eat some FIBER!!! Plums are the best thing to eat if you need a little day-before system clean-out.
Anyway, hopfully this sorta fiber clean-out will get me in shape a little (digestively) for my birthday weekend.
Not that I plan to stuff my face with cake and sweets etc and all that.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about anything more because I prefer to be shut off for now.
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